Did You Know Im a Girl Meme

Dearest songs are where we get our passion, our soul — and nearly of our worst ideas.

Nothing good tin come up of this. Photo by Achim Voss/Flickr.

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Throughout man history, oceans have been crossed, mountains have been scaled, and great families have blossomed — all because of a few simple chords and a melody that inflamed a heart and propelled it on a noble, romantic mission.

On the other manus, that time you told that girl you just started seeing that you would "catch a grenade" for her? You did that because of a love vocal. And it wasn't exactly a coincidence that she of a sudden decided to "lose your number" and motion back to Milwaukee to "figure some stuff out."

"It's merely, my mom. Yous know? And L.A. is so hot in the summer. And yeah, my mom." Photo via iStock.

That fourth dimension you held that blast box over your head outside your ex's house? Y'all did that because of a love song. And 50 hours of community service subsequently, you're still not back together.

Love songs are great. They make our hearts beat faster. They inspire usa to take risks and put our feelings on the line. And they give united states of america terrible, terrible ideas virtually how actual, existent-life human relationships should piece of work.

They're amazing. And then amazing. And also terrible.

Here are six love songs that sound romantic simply aren't, and one song that doesn't audio romantic but totally is:

one. "God Only Knows," by The Beach Boys

Y'all can continue your "Surfin' Safaris," your "I Become Arounds," and your "Help me Rhondas."

When information technology comes to The Beach Boys, "God Simply Knows" is where it's at. A lush garden of soft horns and breezy melody. A necktie-dye swirl of audio. A landscape of haunted innocence with some of the most heartrending lyrics ever committed to the back of a surfboard.

Youth! Youth! Youth! Photo past Hulton Annal/Getty Images.

Hither's why information technology sounds romantic:

I may not always dearest you

But long equally there are stars in a higher place you

You never need to dubiousness it

I'll make y'all so sure almost it

God but knows what I'd be without y'all

If y'all're traipsing through a meadow in a sundress with your dear and not playing "God But Knows" on your iPod, y'all should actually stop and start over.

If y'all're lazily bumping a beach brawl over a volleyball net and "God Only Knows" isn't playing somewhere in the back of your mind, y'all demand to rethink the choices that got you to this indicate.

If y'all're a video editor compiling footage of grainy hippies frolicking in the mud and you're not underscoring it with the opening chords of "God Only Knows," you are doing it wrong.

Hippies, likely on their way to a mud frolic. Photo by Colin Davey/Getty Images.

It'south a vocal that just feels like honey. Pure dearest. Immature love. Love with a chill, kelp-y vibe.

What could be wrong with that?

Hither's why it'south actually really, really unromantic:

At that place's nix wrong with loving someone. Sending them flowers. Leaving over-the-top notes in their P.O. boxes. Stroking their hair every bit they fall comatose while you whisper the complete works of Nicholas Sparks into their ear.

"Miles Ryan stood on the back porch of his firm, smoking a cigarette..." Photo by hatchettebookgroup.biz.

But at that place is such a thing as loving someone a skosh also much.

If you should ever exit me

Though life would still continue believe me

The world could show cipher to me

And so what skilful would living do me?

Await, I get information technology. Breakups suck. There'southward no getting effectually that. But good God.

At that place's a huge difference between saying: "Hey babe, yous are my first and foremost everything and I'll be bummed if you go." And saying: "Welp, yous accustomed that task in Seattle, so I'yard just gonna chug a bunch of nightshade and call information technology a life."

Just that'south pretty much the gist here. Which makes this line...

God only knows what I'd be without you lot

...horror-movie creepy. Considering the answer, apparently, is: "I'd be a corpse!"

Ah well. We had a good run. Photo via iStock.

That'south not love. That's codependency (to put it mildly). Oh, and hey! Threatening to kill yourself if your partner leaves isn't loving. It's a form of emotional abuse.

Investing all your happiness and sense of cocky-worth in any relationship — 1 that, by definition, might i day end — is putting a lot of eggs in 1 handbasket. Sure, God may only know what you'd be without her, but God probably as well hopes you take, I don't know, some hobbies. Take a yoga form. Google some woodworking videos. Try kite surfing.

"Yeah! Hell yep! What was her name once more?" Photo by Jim Semlor/Federal Highway Administration.

One person cannot be anyone's be-all and end-all. It's besides stressful. And information technology prevents you lot from doing yous, which is a affair that'southward gotta be done before y'all can exercise anything else.

No wonder she took that job in Seattle.

two. "Treasure," by Bruno Mars

Sure, information technology's a blatant rip off of every Michael Jackson song yous've ever heard. Merely, we don't take Michael Jackson anymore, and every bit tribute acts get, you could practice a lot worse than Bruno Mars.

Look at that face up. That face! Photo past Brothers Le/Flickr.

Hither's why the song sounds romantic:

Treasure, that is what you are

Love, you're my golden star

Yous know yous can make my wish come up true

If you let me treasure you lot

If you permit me treasure you

Laissez passer those lyrics to anyone on a used napkin at an eighth-grade make-out party and you'll probable go an instant price pass on the highway to tongue-town (ew).

Laissez passer them to your spouse and, chances are, date night is going to culminate in 47 minutes of chaste-yet-passionate frenching.

Pass them to a cop who pulls you lot over for running a finish sign, and they will recollect you're weird — just probably all the same make out with you.

In fact, Bruno Mars basically has a lifetime pass to make out with America because of this song.

This is what happens when yous write "Treasure" and you're on stage with Michelle Obama. Photo by Mandel Ngan/Getty Images.

And I'm OK with that.

But, here's why "Treasure" isn't as romantic as information technology seems:

Everything nigh "Treasure" is retro. Everything.

Including its attitudes about gender.

"Children, take I ever told you what I shouted at your mother on the street the start fourth dimension we met?" Photo by Jacobsen/Getty Images.

Things start to get south correct from the very start:

Give me your, give me your, give me your attention, baby

I gotta tell you a petty something about yourself

Ah yep. Nothing screams "respect" quite like a man lecturing a strange adult female on the street nearly something she "doesn't know most herself."

What could it be? Could it be that her jokes are funny? Could it be that she'south got something in her teeth? Could it exist that her nonfiction book well-nigh early mod German history is extremely detailed and informative?

"Thanks for educational activity me all about Martin Luther's bible!" Photo by Torsten Schleese/Wikimedia Commons.

Spoiler Alert: It's none of those.

You're wonderful, flawless, ooh, you're a sexy lady

But you lot walk effectually hither like you wanna be someone else

Oh. It's that she'south sexy. Absurd, bro. Very original.

Discussion of communication? Regardless of how she'due south walking, the lady knows she's sexy. Fifty-fifty if she doesn't, information technology actually doesn't affect her day-to-24-hour interval and so much that you, a consummate stranger, need to shout it at her (fifty-fifty over a funky disco snare).

And then what if she does want to be someone else? I'd love to be someone else! I call back being Ryan Gosling would be quite nice. A good way to spend a iii-day weekend.

Sure, there'd be an adjustment menstruum... Photo by Eamonn Chiliad. McCormack/Getty Images.

And then afterward, of course, the narrator tin't assist himself:

Pretty girl, pretty girl, pretty daughter, y'all should be grinning

A girl like y'all should never look then blue.

He respects her so much, he'due south actually straight-up telling her to smile! Much like Mars' character "Uptown Funk," who appears to get off on angrily exhorting girls to "hitting [their] hallelujah." Which, you know, I estimate everybody's got a thing.

Yes, in the earth of "Treasure," a good for you human relationship is an unending stream of a man complimenting a strange woman and said adult female being so totally flattered that she immediately dispenses "the sex."

He then proceeds to talk to his potential lover like the world's creepiest pirate:

Y'all are my treasure, you are my treasure

Yous are my treasure, yeah, you, you, you, you are

You are my treasure, you are my treasure

You are my treasure, yeah, yous, y'all, you lot, you are

Past this point, in his mind, she's a literal affair. An object. Which is fitting.

I suppose it could be worse, though. At to the lowest degree she's not just whatsoever thing.

GIF from "The Two Towers."

That's ... something, right?

three. "Don't Recollect Twice, It'south All Right," by Bob Dylan

For as long as humans have been dating each other, humans have been breaking up with each other. And "Don't Think Twice" is a portrait of a relationship going down in flames. Glorious, poetic, acoustic flames.

Bob Dylan, a guy who is skillful at writing songs that a lot of people like. Photo past William Lovelace/Getty Images.

Here's why it sounds romantic:

Well, it ain't no use to sit down and wonder why, babe

Even you don't know by now

And it ain't no use to sit and wonder why, infant

It'll never do somehow

When your rooster crows at the pause of dawn

Look out your window, and I'll be gone

You're the reason I'm a-traveling on

But don't think twice, it'due south all correct.

Boom. Strummed on out of that friends-with-benefits situation similar whoa.

"Don't Think Twice" is a raw song. An honest song. A powerful song. It's the song your older sis played on continuous loop for six months later her beau left for college. The song that convinced your Aunt Roslyn to leave her banking company-teller chore, load her four Australian shepherds into the van, and open up a wind chime store in Mendocino. The vocal your friend's cool dad always wants to play when he invited your high school ring over to his apartment to jam.

"What timbre are yous looking for?" Photo by Sharon Ang/Pixabay.

Certain, it's nigh the end of a relationship, but it sounds romantic. And at the end of the day, shouldn't that exist enough?

Hither's why it's actually sooooo messed up:

Relationships stop. For a lot of reasons. And while there is no right way to call it quits with someone, when the dust settles, both parties can certainly benefit from a difficult, honest discussion about what went wrong.

It's not me, Joan. It's you. 100% y'all. Photograph by Rowland Scherman/Getty Images.

In "Don't Retrieve Twice," that discussion basically boils down to: "Information technology'southward your error."

Allow's review the reasons the dude in "Don't Call up Twice" is splitting with his lady friend:

I gave her my center, just she wanted my soul

Ugh, women, right? Yous're all like, "Baby, I merely have so much unspecified love to give," and she'due south like, "Take out the trash!" And you lot're like, "Just baaaaaaabe, shouldn't my heart be enough?" And she's similar, "No, seriously. I already did the laundry, cleaned the whole house, fed the domestic dog, did the dishes, and made both of our lunches for the week. All I need you to do is take out the trash." And y'all're like, "You're aimless me out. I'one thousand gonna go play guitar." And then she gets all mad! What did you exercise? Why is she trying to alter yous? UGH!

You could have done ameliorate, but I don't mind

Aye. You practise mind! Yous mind! You wrote a song about it, you passive-aggressive prick.

You just kinda wasted my precious time

Ah yes. Your time is then precious! Think near all the hours you lot wasted plumbing the ocean-deep, ecstatic mysteries of human partnership when you lot could have been futzing around with that dwelling-brew kit.

Aye, this was worth it. Photo by Bill Bradford/Flickr.

The minute you lot start breaking it down, the message of "Don't Think Twice" of a sudden starts to seem a lot less romantic. Like your sister's ex-beau, who worked at the Bass Pro Shop in town for a while and at present might be in jail. Similar your aunt'south wind chime store, which would have closed forever agone had she not received that inheritance from her mom in the '80s. Like your friend'southward cool dad, who wasn't exactly, technically, paying child support.

"You kids want a beer? No one'south under 13, correct?" Photo via iStock.

Oh yeah, and the song's narrator also point-bare refers woman he's leaving as:

A kid, I'm told

That'southward correct. In improver to being a run-of-the-manufacturing plant passive-aggressive jerk — turns out, he'south also perhaps a pedophile.

Fifty-fifty if nosotros are to accept that this is a metaphor and she's not actually a child — which at that place's no indication it is, but OK, Bob Dylan — the fact that Commitmentphobe Gunderson here would willingly choose an immature partner reflects way more poorly on him than it does on her.

Breaking up with anyone in such a roughshod, dismissive manner is a recipe for sticking them with years of therapy bills.

Which, I suppose, may be the indicate.

4. "Leaving on a Jet Plane," by John Denver

Who has two thumbs and wrote a bittersweet folk song about hurtling through the stratosphere in a giant aluminum tube at 600 miles per hour?

This guy. Photograph by Hughes Television Network/Wikimedia Commons.

Hither'southward why it sounds romantic:

"Leaving on a Jet Plane" is a lovely song. And impressive in its loveliness because jet planes were still kind of new at the time it was written.

'Crusade I'1000 leavin' on a jet plane

To a mod ear, this would be sort of like singing, "I'm a scoooting away on my hoverboooooard," only in a way that'southward somehow however folksy and heartbreaking and singable past 9-yr-olds at summer camp. Not piece of cake to do!

Oh babe, I hate to go

Yous see — he hates to go! He just hates it! We know this, because he tells usa he hates it. And why would he detest to go if he didn't honey his partner just that much?

See ya! Photo past Altair78/Wikimedia Eatables.

Why indeed?

Here'southward why it'south really not that romantic at all:

All the plaintive guitar, loping bass line, and twangy, melancholy warbling in the world tin just distract then much from the fact that the vocal'south main character is well, kind of a jerkweed.

And in reality — surprise surprise! — it doesn't really seem like he hates beingness away all that much:

There's then many times I've let you down

And so many times I've played around

I tell you now, they don't mean a affair

"Baby, I promise! All the movies I watched lone while y'all were home nursing the quadruplets. All the times I tuckered our life savings on Zoo Zillionaire. All the random sex I had with other women. Totally meaningless. Certainly fun to do! Really fun. Like, I had a fantastic time. But rest assured — completely empty, in an ontological sense."

"Equally empty as this bed I but finished having sex with someone else in." Photo via iStock.

Yes, when yous break it down, "Leaving on a Jet Plane," is less of a passionate tribute to love overcoming distance and more than the deluded ramblings of a guy who needs to convince himself he'due south "good" despite all bear witness to the opposite.

And for all he claims to be broken up almost having to part from his 1 and only, the dude seems pretty excited most the flight. Oh, you're leaving on a jet airplane, are you? Are you Zone one? Gonna humblebrag on Twitter about the "terrible" Cibo express salad you lot were forced to asphyxiate downwards as you sat waiting to embark on your fun, mysterious run a risk?

"Life and so hard @ LGA #missingmybabe." Photo by Gesalbte/Wikimedia Commons.

He continues:

Ev'ry place I get, I'll remember of yous

Ev'ry song I sing, I'll sing for you lot

Ah cool. He'll think about her while strumming and making "my love is frail as the morning dew" eyes at a waif-y grad student in the front end row. That pretty much makes up for it all.

Then he demands:

So buss me and smile for me

Tell me that you lot'll wait for me

After all the expose and heartbreak, later basically revealing himself to be a grade-A sleaze who can't be trusted, he all the same has the gall to tell her to wait? To look for him?

And here's the kicker:

When I come up dorsum, I'll bring your nuptials ring

Ah yes. He'll put a band on it. Finally.

"Ehhhhhhh...." Photograph via iStock.

Unlike all the previous trips, where he'south cheated a billion times, drained the family bank account, and simply been a general screwup and disappointment.

But yes. This time he says he'll bring back a wedding ring.

I promise she joins a polyamorous octad and never looks back.

five. "When a Human Loves a Adult female," Percy Sledge

When y'all look up "soul" in the dictionary, the book plays you lot a recording of this song.

Percy Sledge, having a few thoughts. Photo past Gene Pugh/Flickr.

Specifically, it plays you the very get-go line.

Here'south why it sound very romantic:

When a man loves a woman

Sure, yous can write the lyrics down, merely it doesn't fifty-fifty come up shut to capturing the heartache. The yearning. The delicious, delicious pain-belting:

WHEN A MAN LOVES A WOMAN

Closer ... but still no.

WHEN A MAAAAAAAN. LOVES A WOOOMAN!

Yes! Sing it, Percy Sledge!

It's an elemental lyric.

It's a centre-shattering lyric.

It's a lyric that demands you put your dorsum into it.

It's perfection.

As long as you don't continue listening.

Hither's why the song is actually pretty horrifying:

From the opening lines of "When a Human Loves a Adult female," we know that, at least on occasion, a human being loves a adult female.

Which raises the question: What happens when said man loves said adult female?

He'd give up all his comforts

And sleep out in the rain

If she said that's the way

It ought to be.

Whoa! OK. No. Back upwards. A man, no thing how devoted, no thing how selfless, no matter how in love, needs shelter. Otherwise, a human will die of exposure and hypothermia.

Turn his back on his best friend if he put her downward.

No! Jeez. No. A human being can't put upwardly with that kind of isolating behavior. A homo needs friends! Once a man's whole support organisation erodes out from under him, a homo will be bitter, ungrounded, and solitary. And a human's mental health volition deteriorate.

I gave you everything I have

Tryin' to agree on to your heartless love

Infant, please don't treat me bad.

This is not what happens "when a human being loves a woman." It's what happens when a man loves a controlling, manipulative woman. An abusive adult female. A woman who, in truth, only loves a woman. Herself.

"It's Chris or me." Photo by geralt/Pixabay.

And that's not healthy.

Run, Percy Sledge, run! Nosotros're here for you.

(Side note: Lest information technology go unsaid, there is way more than i way for a man to love a woman. Mayhap they spend every waking moment cuddling and bopping each other on the nose. Maybe they slumber in separate bedrooms. Mayhap they apparel up in large, plush cat costumes and refer to each other Mr. and Mrs. Kittyhawk. And when a man loves a man, I imagine it feels much the same. Or when a woman loves a woman. Or when a gender nonconforming person loves a gender nonconforming person.)

Regardless of the depth of commitment, living situation, or combination of genders or sexual orientations, there's no one-size-fits-all beloved solution. Every human relationship is a unique snowflake. Variety is the spice of life. Necessity is the mother of invention. At that place's more than than one way to peel a cat. A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down.

It doesn't affair if it's the right metaphor, every bit long as it'south a metaphor. Photo by Rosmarie Voegtli/Flickr.

Indicate beingness: Generalize at your peril, Sledge. And please, seek help! Yous tin can do this! And if y'all always find yourself in a similar state of affairs, please give these people a call.

half-dozen. "All I Wanna Practise is Make Love to You," Heart

Honestly, Heart could sing a listing of the most popular AllRecipes ("Jaaaamie's Cranberry Spinach Saaaaalad/World's Best Lasaaaaagna/Sour Creeeeeam Cutouts") and information technology would brand me want to bark my optics out in the arms of a tall, night stranger at the end of a pier.

This song is perfect. You should always be listening to information technology. If you're not listening to it at present, smack yourself in the face and Google it. It'southward merely that of import.

I am singing the phone volume. You are weeping similar a tiny baby. Photo past FatCat125/Wikimedia Commons.

So much passion. So much pain. So much hair.

Here'southward why it sounds romantic:

Over pounding drums and a soaring melody, Heart sisters Nancy and Ann Wilson deliver a fundamental tribute to the one true romantic fantasy shared by every living beingness on World: picking up an unnervingly attractive man for one night of mind-bravado sex activity and then releasing him back into the wild to bone — but never quite equally compellingly ever again.

They sing:

It was a rainy night when he came into sight

Standing by the road, no umbrella, no coat

And then I pulled up alongside and I offered him a ride

He accepted with a smile and then we drove for a while

I don't have to become on because you know what happens side by side, and it'southward crawly.

"I just sit in this motel. Counting the days since. Counting ... the ... days." Photo past Rene Asmussen/Pexels.

Now, here's why this song is not romantic at all:

The relationship in "All I Wanna Do" seems too skilful to be true. And it is. Because information technology's not an equally loving ,or even equally lusty, pairing at all.

It'south a...

It'south a...

Well. You know what it is:

Skilful at recognizing no-win situations and delicious with lemon?! Photo by Pikawil/Flickr.

For a while, things are humming along but fine, like whatever wholesome, illicit, anonymous matter should:

I didn't inquire him his name, this lonely boy in the rain

Fate, tell me it's correct, is this dear at kickoff sight?

Sure, many of us might hesitate to selection upward a strange leather-jacket-clad human continuing on the side of the route for a no-strings-attached screw, simply our narrator just has a feeling about this guy, and sometimes, you gotta go with your gut.

I can respect that.

We made magic that nighttime

He did everything correct

Peachy! Seems similar it was a good decision. Bonking the hitchhiker is payin' off big time.

But and then, without warning, the song starts to sound less like an all-time great romance and more like a story men's rights activists tell each other equally they vape effectually a campfire:

I told him "I am the flower, you are the seed

We walked in the garden, we planted a tree

Don't try to notice me, please don't you dare

Just live in my memory, you'll ever be there"

I'm not a poet. Symbolic language often eludes me. Only unless "flower," "seed," "garden," and "tree," suddenly hateful wildly different things in the context of human reproduction than they have since sex was first invented in the early-1970s, we're talking most a surprise, non-mutually-consensual pregnancy!

Howdy! Photo by Avsar Aras/Wikimedia Commons.

Of form, metaphors are opaque, interpretations vary, etc., etc., etc. Yous might be tempted to think, "Maybe Heart meant something else by that."

To that I say, no, they definitely meant it:

And then it happened 1 day

We came circular the same way

You tin can imagine his surprise

When he saw his own eyes

There are two possibilities here.

One: The narrator of the song is recently-deceased Jerry Orbach from this creepy New York Urban center subway ad from nine years agone:

Photo by eyedonation.org.

Or two: She totally conned a dude into whipping upward a babe on the sly.

I said, "Please, delight understand

Ah, sure. Yep. No worries.

I'yard in love with another man

Absurd, so this all makes sense and is in no way the nightmarish scheme of a deranged sociopath who has at present wrecked not i only ii lives.

And what he couldn't requite me, oh, no

Was the ane little thing that you can"

A Human being LIFE! A REAL SENTIENT Human being LIFE THAT IS Not INCIDENTAL TO ALL OF THIS!

The best yous can say about that is that it's not technically illegal, and that leather-jacket man probably should have been responsible for his own birth control. Or, at the very to the lowest degree, asked more questions .

But ... it'southward not beautiful. Information technology'due south non romantic (fifty-fifty the Wilson sisters themselves hold).

And at the end of the 24-hour interval, the shadiest grapheme in this song is somehow not the rain-soaked hitchhiker wandering to nowhere in the night.

Which... is proverb something.

But there is a love song that is truly, madly, securely perfect. An unassailable track in a body of water of problematic faves.

A song that does everything correct.

A song that paints a portrait of a healthy partnership built to terminal.

A song that can double as a manual for the ideal man romantic relationship.

And that song is...

"Candy Shop," by 50 Cent, featuring Olivia

Hither's why y'all might be — OK, about definitely are — skeptical:

l Cent (L) and that guy. You know, that guy? That guy! Photograph by Ethan Miller/Getty Images.

Equally catchy as "Processed Store" is, as fun it is to dance to, and equally cathartic equally information technology can exist to scream in the middle of a crowded fraternity house at ii a.1000., at that place'southward no getting around the fact that the song begins similar this:

I'll take you to the candy store

I'll let you lick the lollipop

I'll post that once more, in case you missed some of the nuance:

I'll have y'all to the processed shop

I'll let you lick the lollipop

Way to take one for the team, narrator of "Candy Store"!

At first glance, "Candy Shop" is nobody's idea of a archetype love vocal.

The lyrics are ... unusually forward. The vanquish is kinda basic. The claw is like the music they play when Abu Nazir sidles scarily by in "Homeland."

OooooOOOOoooooOOOo. GIF from "Homeland."

Information technology doesn't go played much anymore. When it does resurface, information technology feels ... kinda dated. Similar watching that DVD of "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire" on your new Xbox 360.

It's non a song yous'd put on a mixtape for your crush. It's not a song you'd play for your spouse when the kids are at home with the babysitter and y'all've got ix hours to tear upwards the Piscataway Hampton Inn. Information technology'southward certainly not a song yous'd include on the video photo montage you made for your grandparents' silver anniversary.

It's just not.

But it should be.

So here it is. Here'south why "Candy Shop" by 50 Cent, featuring Olivia, is actually the perfect human relationship song:

You wanna back that affair up or should I button up on it? Photo by ionasnicolae/Pixabay.

The bass drum hits. The MIDI violins whine. The vocalizer starts filling out his fellatio permission skid. It'south only been 20 seconds, and you're already getting ready to hang it up with "Candy Shop."

Only then ... over the foursquare thrum and the mewling strings, a miracle occurs — in the grade of a female voice joining the rail, cut through the din similar a clarion telephone call.

She sings:

I'll accept you to the processed shop (yeah)

Boy, one taste of what I got (uh-huh)

I'll accept you spendin' all yous got (come on)

Go on going 'til you hit the spot, whoa

It's mutual! It's mutual! They're performing oral sex on each other!

Ring the bells! Bang the drums! Release the doves!

Go, cunnilingus doves, go! Photograph by liz west/Flickr.

50 Cent himself may not be the globe'south greatest partner — for example, according to one of his exes, he'south done some pretty unforgivable things.

But the narrator of "Candy Shop"? He gets it:

You could have it your way, how do you want it?

Rather than simply imposing his desires on the person he's with — a la the dude in "God Only Knows ("I'm going to invest my entire sense of self-worth in you!") or the street heckler in "Treasure" ("I'one thousand going to care for y'all like a breast full of gold doubloons!") or the sociopath in "All I Wanna Practice is Make Love to Y'all," ("I'one thousand going to play tricks you into knocking me upwards!") — the "Processed Shop" guy actually asks his partner what she wants.

Which, in the world of popular music, is good for nearly fifty,000 trillion points.

And where are they going to do information technology? The hotel? Back of the rental? The embankment? The park?

It's whatever you're into

'Cause consent is sexy!

I ain't finished teaching you lot 'bout how sprung I got ya

The narrator of "Processed Shop" is certainly ... assertive about his desires.

But hither'southward the key affair: the lady on the receiving end of those desires? She's clearly into information technology. And we know this because she says then.

The lines of consent in "Processed Shop" are bright cherry-red, highlighted, and soldered into the weirdly viscid society floor.

Meanwhile, Robin Thicke is outside trying to convince the bouncer that his uncle is a lawyer. Photograph past Grim23/Wikimedia Commons.

Girl what we exercise ...

And where we exercise ...

The things we do ...

Are just between me and you lot

No matter how nasty they freak, it volition exist intimate. It volition be individual. There will be no revenge porn (the epilogue to "Blurred Lines," to wit, would definitely exist a protracted, emotionally devastating lawsuit).

If you exist a nympho, I'll be a nympho

Sexual compatibility is key to the survival of any relationship, whether years, weeks, or (very possibly in the case of "Processed Shop") minutes long.

She may have a loftier sex drive, but dude is graciously offering to arrange her. What a gentleman! These crazy kids just might get the distance after all.

And at the end of the 24-hour interval, what is a relationship only two nymphos, sharing health insurance?

Thanks, Obamacare! Photo by Wonderlane/Flickr.

It'due south like information technology'south a race who could get undressed quicker

Again, everybody is having a great time. And, critically, an as great time.

I impact the right spot at the correct fourth dimension

Of course, it wouldn't be a pop/hip-hop striking without a spot of random braggadocio, but if we're to take him at his give-and-take, "Candy Store" guy is at least as good at "doing everything correct" as the bearding hitchhiker from "All I Wanna Practice is Make Love to You lot" — except without all the creepy surprise baby nonsense.

The "Candy Shop" guy is a keeper. Because he's not a hero or a stranger in the night or a funky, shimmering dearest god. He'south a good partner.

"Candy Store" is raunchy. It'due south dirty. Information technology'due south not your grandmother's love song.

But when yous strip away the swagger, the dorsum beat, and the weird strings from "All-time of Public Domain Middle Eastern Music 1993," by the end of the song, both people are satisfied. And at the stop of the twenty-four hours, isn't that what a salubrious relationship is all about?

Yeah.

Uh-huh.

Photo by Francois Durand/Getty Images.

And so seductive.

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Source: https://www.upworthy.com/6-songs-that-seem-romantic-but-arent-and-one-that-seems-like-it-isnt-but-is

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